Welcome to Fire Neil Olshey

About Us

Neil the Soap Opera Actor

Neil began his career as a soap opera actor. He had roles in such hits as One Life to Live, All My Children and Loving. Neil never won any awards nor was he ever recognized by anyone for his acting acumen. 

Neil the Clippers GM

Inexplicably, the LA Clippers hired Neil to run their organization. His first act as Clippers GM was to draft Al-Farouq Aminu with the #8 pick in the 2010 draft, directly ahead of such players as Gordon Hayward (#9) and Paul George (#10). It only got worse from there. On February 24, 2011, Neil traded Baron Davis and a 2011 first round pick (which ended up becoming the #1 overall pick - Kyrie Irving) to Cleveland for Mo Williams and something called Jamario Moon. Neil sat out the 2011 NBA draft because his pick was in Cleveland becoming a generational player. These deals caught the attention of Paul Allen in Portland, and Paul Allen zeroed in on Neil.

Neil the Blazers GM

In 2012, Neil turned his soap opera career and failures in Los Angeles into a multi-year contract to act as GM of the Portland Trailblazers. By every indication, his tenure has been a shit show, despite inheriting a team that already had LaMarcus Aldridge, Nic Batum and Wes Matthews in their respective primes. Neil lucked into drafting Dame Lillard but then wasted his second lottery pick of the 2012 draft on the first, of what will become many, 7-foot-tall American-born Caucasian centers, who are all bums: Meyers Leonard. In 2015, Neil traded Wil Barton and a #1 pick for the corpse of Arron Afflalo, who barely played because he was a corpse. Neil then, in his infinite wisdom, decided to blow up the team and start over. He let LaMarcus and Wes walk, and he traded Batum for a washed-up black-hole in Gerald Henderson and a failed lottery pick in Noah Vonleh. At the 2015 draft, Neil traded the team's #1 pick for a back up center. In 2016 he traded for Anderson Varejao. Neil didn't have a first round pick in 2016, so he bought a second round pick that became a tall, white, unathletic, American born Jake Layman. While this catastrophe was unfolding, Neil tried and failed to sign Chandler Parson's right ACL. So he went to his plan B, which inexplicably was to give a max contract to Evan Turner. As if that wasn't enough, he decided to pay Meyers Leonard millions and millions of dollars to sit on the bench. Was Neil done spending money recklessly? Never! He then signed Festus Ezeli who promptly had a dead guy's knee surgically implanted in his own knee, and then retired when that dead guy's knee failed to return Festus to an NBA caliber player. At the 2017 draft, Neil traded 2 of his 3 first round picks for a, you guessed it, tall, unathletic, white center, Zach Collins. During the 2017-18 season, Neil's big trade acquisition was something called "Milovan Rakovic." At the 2018 draft, Neil drafted a kid straight out of his 12th Grade Language Arts class.  And at the 2019 trade deadline, Neil made a trade to make a trade, swapping Caleb Swanigan for Skal Labissiere. Somewhere along the way Neil flipped off Blake Griffin in the middle of a game and then kicked his dog. The guy is a bum.

What Has Neil Done Lately?

Site Content

Our Services!

It is our pleasure to bring you real time, up-to-the-minute Neil Olshey shade. This service is free. That said, if Neil was running the site, I'm sure he'd charge a fee, which would effectively destroy the site.

Upcoming Events!

The NBA trade deadline is at 12:00pm on February 8, 2018. At this time, Neil Olshey will have traded CJ McCollum for an aging veteran clearly on the decline, or he'll have done absolutely nothing. There's no in-between. He's a bum.

UPDATE:  Neil essentially did nothing. What a bum.

The next important date on the NBA calendar is the 2018 NBA Draft on June 21. At this time, Neil will presumably draft a 7 foot tall American born Caucasian center out of Colorado State or St. Mary's.

Update:  Neil drafted a child.

The next important date on the NBA Calendar is the 2019 trade deadline on February 7.

Update:  Neil traded another failed draft pick for another failed draft pick (again).




Real Testimonials!


"Zach Collins is very athletic.... I agree with the rest. That is all."  ~David

"I agree with every word about olshey"  ~Jaryd

"I appreciate what you’re doing becuase Olshey is a fucking retard and I hope he burns in hell."  ~Corey

"I agree with everything 100%. Neil Olshey is the bum of all bums. He's ruined the franchise in the heart of Dame's career."  ~Taylor

"dont you guys have anything better to do with your lives? LMAOOOOOO if u think neil olshey is that bad then it means ur a brain dead degenerate with nothing going for them. Fuckin idiots smh get a life u fucking monkeys."  ~XD

Current Deals!

Evan Turner: owed $54M through 2021

Maurice Harkless: owed $33M thru 2020

Meyers Leonard: owed $32M thru 2020

Andrew Nicholson: owed $20M thru 2023

Anderson Varejau: owed $8M thru 2021

Festus Ezeli: owed $1M thru 2020

Want To Get Involved?

We're looking to expand our reach in Portland. Contact us if you've got Fire Olshey ideas. Unlike Olshey, we're looking to make smart, logical and reasoned business decisions. 


Q:  As GM, should you ever give Evan Turner a 4-year/$70M contract?

A:  No.

Q:  As GM, should you ever give Meyers Leonard a 4-year/$41M contract?

A:  Absolutely not.

Q:  As GM, should you flip off the LA Clippers while sitting courtside next to your boss in a nationally televised game?

A:  Probably not, unless you can plausibly deny it happened.

Q:  As GM, should you ever give Allen Crabbe a 4-year/$75M contract?

A:  No way.

Q:  As GM, is it an immediate fireable offense if you even remotely consider offering Chandler Parsons a 4-year/$95M contract?

A:  Absolutely.

Q:  What are the 2018 Soap Opera Power Rankings?

A:  Not sure, ask Neil.


Contact Us

Fire Neil Olshey Hours

1 North Center Court Street, Portland, Oregon 97227, United States

Unfortunately, we're always open for business because Neil is such a bum.

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